Mooooo!!!!!

Forgive me Jackie Warner, for I have sinned.

Yesterday was all set to be a good day.

It was supposed to go like this:

7:30 - Wake up (beautifully and with birds chirping and woodland creatures eager to sing and dance)
7:31 - (after song and dance) Make my way to the coffee pot to get my Colombian fix and eat a Jackie Warner approved breakfast... perhaps oatmeal? An egg? Fruit? Pick one. Those are good choices.
8:15-9:30 - Start Laundry, Make my Fall Bed (warmer blankets... pretty autumnal hued sheets...), Launder and Put Away Summer Bed
9:30-10:00 - Shower and Get Ready to Leave for Hair Appointment (of course! I did my hair to get my hair done! I don't want Katie, The-Uber-Fantastic - my extremely talented hair professional - to think that I've been treating her work poorly... aka in a pony tail ALWAYS and letting my ends split from here to kingdom come)
10:20-12:30 - Magical Katie Hair Time
12:30 - Stare at Myself in the Mirror and See Glammed Up Self and LOVE IT!!!!!!
12:31-2:30 - Go Home, Switch Laundry, Eat a Jackie Warner Approved Lunch, Gather Frau Millie, and Go Jaunting Through the Park.
2:30 - Return Home, Finish Laundry, Run Dishwasher (I never run the dishwasher while I'm not home... a bad plastic lid burn experience has ruined me from trusting this machine ever again), Clean off Kitchen Table, Start Ridding Myself of Cluttery Chotchkies (good bye foam hand and potato heads :( )
5:00 - Empty Dishwasher, Start Packing for Chicago (ROAD TRIP WOOT WOOT)
6:00 - Go Over Father's House at his Request for Daughter-Father Bonding Time (which essentially means that we talk each other's ears off about all subjects under the sun and go eat somewhere - Jackie Warner approved of course!)
9:30 - Return Home. Complete Night Time Rituals. Watch Diary of a Wimpy Kid (Netflix is going to start getting annoyed for how long I've had it... I feel their judgement).
11:30 - Night Night.


Lovely day huh???? Sounds exciting and productive, right?

Here's how the day really went:

7:30 - Wake Up (no birds. no chirping. no woodland creatures.)
7:31 - Decide that I WAY Overestimated My Wake Up Time and Go Back to Bed (pffft. I can do all the stuff I planned in like 5 minutes....if I hurry)
9:30 - Peel Myself Out of Bed, Decide that laundry can wait another day and that my bed can be done later cause I thought I heard that it was supposed to get warm later this week and I don't want to get hot because I HATE to hot sleep (yeah. I didn't really believe it either, but I'm a very good negotiator and actress and when I give myself a valid argument - I have to listen. Because I'm that good)
10:20 - Arrive for Hair Appointment (I'm never late. Ever. For Spa Services. The last thing I want is to piss the person off who is going to be coloring my hair, performing my pedicure or doing my massage. Tardiness does not a good 'Girl Day' make.)
10:40 - Discuss Highlighting and Cut with Katie, The-Uber-Fantastic!!!
12:30 - Get the REVEAL (aka - put my glasses back on) and Make a GASP (in a bad way) Sound and Say, "oh....wow..." (just for the record - I said right-above-the-shoulder-bob and then showed EXACTLY the length that meant right-above-the-shoulder to me and pointed out ALL (3) of the colors that I wanted used in my hair... what I got is some flat My Life as Liz, Liz haircut and I'm pretty certain that she just foiled my head for no reason because I'll be damned if I can see any evidence of color usage) Katie, The-Deaf-and-Blind, is lucky I didn't go bananas on her ass. Deep Breaths. DEEP. BREATHS. Peace and Love In. Anger and the Ability to Murder Someone with Highlighting Tools Out.
12:31 - Pay for My New Life as Liz.
12:32 - Realize That I'm Starving Because I Didn't Eat My Jackie Warner Approved Breakfast
12:45 - Arrive Home and Call Out for an AMAZING Chicken Salad from the Local Pizza Joint (all of the Jackie Warners on my Jackie Warner Workout DVDs turn their heads and start to weep quietly) and say, "oh wait! Can you add a small sausage and pizza too?" (the Jackies are now consoling each other and are openly weeping and screaming, "WHY GOD?!?!" from their boxes)
2:00 - Finish the Salad (hahaha how is anything with ranch dressing, cheese, french fries, and chicken called a salad??) and a couple of slices of the sausage and cheese pizza.
2:02 - Decide that a nap would be just the thing to work off my full tummy
4:00 - Wake Up and Get Hooked on Daytime Tv
5:00 - Run the Dishwasher and Resume Daytime Tv Watching
6:00 - Go Over to Father's House (decline dinner due to a "big lunch")
11:30 - Go Home. Eat Icecream (OMG I found this new icecream that claimed to be exactly like Gelato... you know. Italian Gelato. The BEST icecream in THE WORLD. Don't get your panties in a twist though. Because it wasn't. Not even close. But I ate it anyway.) Crawl into Bed. And Die. (If you listen closely, you can still hear the Jackies quietly sobbing in the distance)


Happy Thursday!