Yeah. Yeah. I know. Get it out of your system now! I am well aware that it has been two months since my last post.
Are you done yet?
Good!
Now we can get to the fun stuff!!
And by fun stuff, I mean ask you all a serious question: how in the hell do weeds infiltrate my landscaping with such vengeance every year? I weed and weed and those little bastards just keep on popping up. In fact, how did I know spring was upon us this year? Was it because I saw all of the bulbs that I planted last year sprouting with awe inspiring majesty? Nope. It was when those prickly little weeds with the death spikes started sprouting and creating an army to conquer my flower beds that I knew it was spring. My little flower bulbs are still terrified to blossom! See ya later, daffodils! Hasta la vista, baby hyacinths!
Do the many woodland creatures that visit my yard eat the plethora of prickly spikey death weeds? Nope. Of course not! They go after the hundreds of dollars worth of bulbs of colorful flowers that I planted to make it seem like I give the tiniest of all the fucks about real estate values and making a good impression in my neighborhood.
I have not taken a passive role against the ever growing number of infidels! No siree Bob! I have used round up and some kind of off brand weed killer that came in a black bottle and promised imminent death to all things unwanted in yellow bold lettering with many exclamation marks to no avail. In fact, I could swear that I heard the weeds cackling at my feeble attempts much in the same way the roses laughed at Alice in Alice in Wonderland. Remember?!? They called her a weed! It's all coming full circle for me now. Where's my LSD riddled caterpillar to give a pep talk and send me in the right direction?!? No wonder those little cakes said 'eat me'... I feel pretty certain that at some point a passerby is going to have me committed for yelling obscenities at my flower beds.
So in conclusion, I have just been over here fighting the good fight against mother nature's little prickly pains in the ass. Can you get post traumatic stress disorder from gardening? I'm almost afraid to google that to find out.
Forever Yours,
The Unemployed Diva.
