1. Dress super cool and chic. Thanksgiving is a time when you finally get to interact with all of those extended (and sometimes rotten) limbs of the family tree - so why not let them know that you are super cool, successful, and happy by wearing ultra rad clothing, having a perfectly quaffed hairstyle, and wearing a $500 pair of shoes. And don't forget! Nothing says I'm better than you by constantly talking about how much you paid for every possession you have.
2. Food is a big part of this holiday and it only makes sense to constantly chat about it throughout the evening.
Some examples include:
Wow! Look at all of the food!
How will we eat all of this food?
I'm so stuffed from all of the food that I just shoveled into my face!
Can you pass me more food?
This food is so delicious! Who made each and every food item on the table?
Grandma, how do you like your food?
I love food.
3. Because it is frowned upon to leave children at home by themselves, the house you are visiting for Thanksgiving dinner is likely to be packed with 30 screaming/running/excited/destructive/jumping/melancholy/angsty/electronics and sleep deprived children aging from newborn to 18 years old. Now, you might have the privilege and honor of calling some of these children your own - if so - pour yourself a glass of wine and just relish in the joy of adult interaction. I mean, for those few hours you and your spouse are on vacation! Who cares if your kids are biting the legs off of the table and reenacting Lord of the Flies? Someone else, who is most definitely not you, will take care of it. After all - it's not your house. Kudos to you for adopting that 'it takes a village' mentality!
4. Thanksgiving is more than just a day off of work. It is also a time to relax and watch some football. After dinner, who has time to help clean up? Seeing which team is beating that other team is super important and relevant. Before dinner is over, politely excuse yourself - leaving all china and utensils behind - and find the nearest tv. This will ensure that you get a primo nesting spot and won't be distracted by any of those dish scraping or dish washer noises. Others will applaud your logical way of thinking and be envious that you thought of this idea first!
5. When it's time to finally wrangle all of your heathens children and go home - it is crucial to grab your coat and run. Who has time for long, drawn out good byes and putting the furniture back together? I'm sure the host and hostess will be so bored in the coming days that they will relish in playing a game of hide and go seek a la remote control and will think it a blessing to carry the 12 folding chairs back down to the basement. Such a great workout! Be prepared to get a Thank You note for enabling these opportunities! Oh! And before you go, don't forget to demand heaping amounts of left overs so that way you can continue to enjoy all of the great food that you didn't have to cook in the coming days. Bonus!
Anyway, I hope these 5 tips help create a memorable and festive Thanksgiving experience for you and your loved ones!
And just in case, you need some help with navigating all of the ins and outs of this holiday, I have created a chart to help. Feel free to print it out, get it laminated/framed, and to share it with others.
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| Yeah, Yeah. I know it's huge. Get over it. I wanted to make sure you could read it. You're welcome. |
Hope everyone has a happy and safe Thanksgiving. Remember kids, don't give your crazy relatives and sharp objects or alcohol!
Forever Yours,
The Unemployed Diva.
Stalk me. Or don't. It's up to you.
Twitter: @kunemployeddiva
Google +: Katlyn The Unemployed Diva
Email: katlyn.the.unemployed.diva@gmail.com
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