The Faces of Yoga

Part of being on this physical well-being journey is trying new exercise activities (mat pilates, working out with a personal trainer, aqua fit, spinning, hiking, free weights, etc). Most of these endeavors leave me shaking, sweating, gasping for air, and ready to reenact that water dropping scene from Flashdance. My muscles hate me right now.

You're Welcome.

So... this morning I did yoga for the first time in a loooong time. I used to practice yoga quite frequently, and even though I have always been voluptuous, I could balance, stretch and hold some crazy positions with the best of them.

Imagine a large, white woman in Jayden Smith's place. Except I wouldn't dangerously perch on the rooftop of an 8 story building while wearing kung fu shoes, corn rows, or a beater.

As I looked around the room I realized that while most people had the look of zen, I looked like I was trying to outrun zombies. I'm ok with that. Zen will come. Hopefully before the zombies. I thought I would share some of my crazy faces with you, perhaps to help you feel more confident when working out but if not, then to give you a hearty laugh this morning at my expense. Either way, good times.

May I present:

The Faces of Yoga

 

 

Sure! I'll try yoga. First thing in the morning. After not doing it for what seems like an eternity... Surely I have not lost too much strength and can still do everything that I did before!

This is not what I imagined.

Um. Ok. I can kind of feel this stretch... I don't remember breathing being so hard.

WHERE ARE MY ABS?!? I mean, I have to still have them, right? RIGHT?!?!

HOLD THE POSITION! Has time stopped? Have you recently changed the batteries in your stopwatch??? This is not 20 seconds. I'm serious. *comes up with plans on how to murder every clock in existence*

I think I farted. That or it was my foot on the mat. Who can be sure? Nope. Definitely a fart.

Did anyone else notice my fart?

Anyone? And do I really look like that? Geesh! Why would anyone want to see themselves 400 times in the studio mirrors? Who is the sadistic bastard that thought, "Hey! Let's put mirrors on every surface so everyone can see themselves at EVERY angle. I'm never having sex again.

This is a cool down? Just laying here shouldn't be this hard. I mean. This? I'm good at. I can watch a NCIS marathon on USA while laying on the couch for hours. Why is laying on a mat in a yoga studio hard??? Maybe Mark Harmon is my spirit animal. Yeah, that must be it. Mark Harmon gives me the power. *Channels Mark Harmon to no avail*

YAY! Class is over!! I made it!! My body is a wonderland and all that shit. But. Um. Guys? Guys!
I can't get up. My muscles have left the building. If I don't get up soon, the cardio kickboxing class is going to start and I'm going to get trampled. Guys? Guys! No one wants to get killed by a bunch of 90 lb super models with perfectly done hair and lip gloss.

I just have to move my big toe. Get it? What's up Kill Bill reference!! Blech. I hate feet.

I guess the point of all of this is to remember that there are going to be times when you look like a fool and feel completely like a fish out of water, but you shouldn't let those feelings stop you from accomplishing your goals. It's ok to be awkward. It's ok to not know exactly how to do something. It's ok to try and not succeed the first time. Just stick with it and the rest will come.

Forever Yours,

The Unemployed Diva

follow me on twitter @kunemployeddiva