Miley,Justin Bieber, Kanye West, and Madonna.

I miss the days of the old rock bands or just real musicians in general - when a group of guys/girls came out on stage dressed in leather (REAL LEATHER), stoned/high/drunk out of their minds, covered from the waist down in a raging case of STD (undoubtedly gifted by the hoards of groupies they proudly bedded) and just played and sang their hearts out. They were just cool. Absofuckinglutely cool. Now, I'm not saying that I have seen every awesomely rocking band out there live. 1. I'm too young to have seen some of the coolest bands in their hay day with original band members, and 2. I was a late bloomer when it came to music. I listened primarily to sound tracks until I was at least half way through high school. What can I say? My parents aren't in to music. I blame them.

But here's the deal - through the interwebs, I have heard Janis Joplin and Hendrix play live at Woodstock. I have seen Aerosmith, Twisted Sister, and Kiss rock out - all wearing more makeup than what seems humanly possible. I have gotten deep with Nirvana and felt like a badass ass with the Beastie Boys. I jammed with the Foo Fighters, all the while having a major lady boner for Dave Grohl. I chased Waterfalls with TLC and I asked Biggie (Biggie Biggie) can't you see? I became divalicious with Mariah, Bette, Aretha, Madonna, P!nk, and Cher and felt all of the lady angst with Alanis, Sheryl Crow, and Paula Cole. I said fuck 'the man' with the Ramones and Social Distortion and had a little ironic fun with Weezer.

Yeah - there a ton more legit musicians and rock stars, but you get my drift. So what's my point? My point is: that today's musicians are shit. Yup. There it is. I said it. Why is everything driven by 13 year old girls and reality shows??? Why are musicians allowed to lip sync to their own tracks (I'm looking at you, Britney) and why do we, as consumers, support this??? Shows are planned down to the second and no matter what show you go to, it looks the same in every city. Artists are now like the McDonald's of music. Do you want a fucking coke with that?

At what point did the music become more about fitting in to a demographic and less about the actual people making the music, the skills that they have, and hearing their unique voice? What is wrong with an artist standing up on a stage and just rocking out and singing??? Do they think if they skip around the stage, have pyrotechnics and crazy amounts of back up dancers that we won't notice what shit they are?? You know who doesn't notice? Teenage girls that are all hopped up on their hormones and just want to hump the ever living shit out of their favorite boy bander. 

What makes all of the music fun that I listed in the second paragraph above, is the fact that each one of those artists/musicians could stand in a fire hall with just a guitar and make the crowd go crazy. Try to do that with Britney, bitches. Or One Direction. Or Madonna these days. Or Kanye West. Or any of the other pop princes and princesses. I guarantee you, they couldn't/wouldn't be able to do a show that relied completely on musical talent because they simply don't have any. They are pretty, outspoken, controversial people to watch - but that is as deep as it goes.

I think my nappy needs changed Mommy. Waaaa!

 So to Justin, I say: Pull up your damn pants. You are not invincible. You are a white boy that has a Bible thumping mother that probably cries herself to sleep every night worrying about your soul. Have a little respect. Will Smith is disappointed in you.

Panting vs. Getting into your pants.

To Miley: Girl - you have talent. You can actually sing and are innovative. Lay off the drugs and sticking your tongue out. Gene Simmons is the only person allowed to do that because... well... as a lady with lady parts, I'm sure you can imagine why. You, on the other hand, look like a panting dog that is desperately in need of a bowl of water. Leave the teddy bears alone. They're one step away from creepy Chucky dolls.

I'd hate to be the one in charge of shaking the motorcycle.

To Kanye: Everyone thinks you are an asshole personally and professionally (ask Taylor Swift). I mean, you paired up with the most narcissistic family ever and call yourself Yeezus... um... no, you are not the Lord Jesus Christ. These are not the logical decisions of someone thinking clearly.  Mental illness is no joking matter and I hope you check in to Promises Malibu sooner rather than later. I'm sure they'll accommodate your requests to: 1. Refer to yourself in the 3rd person, 2. Allow you to gold plate all of the furniture, 3. Cover your entire room with mirrors so you won't have to go one second without looking at yourself.

 And lastly, to Madonna: It's ok to age. Yeah, no one really likes to think that they might not be hip or cool anymore, but the truth hurts. We all are very jealous of your rocking body, considering you are in better shape now than when you were rolling around on stage in a wedding dress at the VMA's those so many moons ago. Own it, girl. You are a millionaire. You gave hope to millions of small town girls that they could pull themselves up by their boot straps and lace gloves and change the world. Isn't that enough? No one needs to see you break a hip or lip sync. It's like finding out Santa doesn't exist. It hurts our feelings.









Anyway - that's all I have for now. By the way - you can thank Kanye West and his new dumbass video, Bound 2 for inspiring this rant. If I wanted to see a topless Kim Kardashian bounce up and down while riding a black man on a motorcycle, I would go online and watch her get it on with Ray J. Classy.

Ok.

Deep Breaths.

Glad I got that off my chest.

Forever Yours,

The Unemployed Diva

Catch me on twitter @kunemployeddiva
On Youtube as Katlyn The Unemployed Diva
On Gmail katlyntheunemployeddiva@gmail.com