Celebrities have invaded my dreams!!!!!
So I was all geared up and ready to write a blog about family and holidays and trying to not take a left on a bridge when it should be the happiest season, but after writing the initial paragraph, I wasn't into it. Not that I'm not into holidays and crazy family stories (read: crazy family and stories about them, not just fun little things that have happened to my sane, normal, and totally not-asking-for-it family. My family asks for it like a homeless person asks for change), but for some reason celebrities invading my dreams sparked more motivation in me (go figure).
So let's discuss my dream shall we?
Setting: Just an open expanse - think empty warehouse or stage area. All of the players (myself included) are sitting/standing in a loose circle (think group therapy session circle minus the yucky too-small-for-my-butt chairs). We are stranded in this 'place' which feels like an abyss. It's just us, a gray (or grey) expanse, and some random wingback chairs, cushy leather chairs, stools, and an oriental rug (god my brain knows how to tie a room together).
Lighting: The place is well lit, but there aren't any lamps or overhead lights that I can visibly see as being a light source. It's like radiant light from off in the distance, only more office sunset if that makes ANY sense. Don't feel bad if it doesn't. Someone long ago told me that I speak my own language, and that most of the time she has to translate my words, sounds, and hand gestures into an actual sentence... I guess when I talk it's more like a giant game of charades, but with sound and words clues. I'm an acquired taste, what can I say?
Cast: Christina Aguilera, Aretha Franklin, Kit Kittredge (from that movie that I'm pretty sure NO ONE saw - including myself so I'm a little confused how she ended up there...), Clay Aiken, one of the Darrins from Bewitched (the one everyone liked... not the guy at the end that everyone thought was an ass), and Alec Baldwin
Let's pause right here for a moment to discuss the insanity that is my brain... WTF. Really??? First of all, I don't even watch American Idol. I have never been and will never be a 'Claymate' (I just shuddered and gagged a little just typing it). So how in the sam hill did he mosey his way into my dream????? Kit Kittredge??? I had to google that stupid movie just learn what it was about, who was in it, and how to spell Kittredge... um. Which by the way - in my brain - Kit was played by Emma Roberts not Abigail Breslin (sorry for the cast change Abby. I'm sure you did a great job in real life). Interestingly enough though, after reading wikipedia, I found out that Julia Roberts (Emma Robert's aunt for those of you in the not-know) was one of the producers of the movie... huh? huh? my brain pieced the connection together!!! I'm psychic!!!!!!!!! ok. or just psycho. Sad Face.
Now back to the set up...
Plot: So as everyone is sitting/standing, I look around and see Christina Aguilera and Aretha Franklin (Christina standing. Aretha sitting on a throne-like chair) arguing. At first, I think they are arguing over who is the best vocalist or performer, but as I tune in, I learn that it is really about a bowl of M&Ms. Peanut ones. Christina wants to hold the bowl and Aretha, who has the bowl in her lap, won't give it up.
Darrin, from Bewitched, is looking around and over his shoulders. He's a paranoid one, that guy is. He won't sit down. He is standing kind of off from the circle wringing his hands together and shoulders hunched forward. I guess after all of those years of Endora just popping in and crazy shit happening, he's a little jumpy. Poor guy.
Alec Baldwin is walking around the inside of the circle (on my precious rug!!!!) shaking everyone's hands and saying, "Hi! I'm a Baldwin. Alec Baldwin. Not to be confused with Stephen, Billy, or Daniel. Those are my brothers. But we're all Baldwins. I'm Alec Baldwin. Not to be confused with...." and so on and so on. I thought, "Damn! He is hot on tv. Shame that he is a schlep in real life." Sigh.
I look to my left and see Kit (played by Emma Roberts) standing at attention with one arm in the air pointing to nothing shouting, "Let's Go! We Have To Save The Day! Come On Gang! Daylight's A Wastin'! Offfff Weeeee Gooooooooo!" I have no idea if this was in the trailer of the movie or makes any sense with who the character is, but that's my brain... Now I feel like I have to Netflix the movie just so I can see if it is better or worse than my imagination.
And what about Clay Aiken, you ask?? Well let me tell you!
Clay Aiken. The second place American Idol Contestant (Aw... whatever happened to Reuben????), accomplished (haha) Broadway Performer, and media looney toon is twirling. That's right, lovelies. I said TWIRLING. Doing graceful ballet moves around the circle while wearing those ballet tights (complete with ball thing to make his junk more pronounced... Yes. I looked. So sue me.Actually. Don't sue me. I'm unemployed. I'm on a fixed income. Suing me would not be very nice. But yes. I did look at a Clay Aiken's ballet tighted junk.) He's prancing and leaping and is SHIRTLESS! Oh. My. God.
It's at this point that I wake up. It's at this point that I say out loud, What. The. Fuck. Was. That. !?!?! It's at this point that I notice that my tv is on with the Netflix screen up. As I look at the screen, I realize that 30 Rock episode 22 of season 3 just played. Not familiar with that episode? Well let me enlighten you. Jack (Alec Baldwin!!!!), begins to bond with Milton, his dad. Milton needs a kidney. Jack doesn't want to give it to him (and finds out that he is not a match), so he calls every favor he has in to arrange a "We Are the World"esque benefit concert... So all of these celebrities are there and sing a hilarious song about donating a kidney. Guess who's in the group?!?! None other than Clay Aiken........ I'll give you moment to digest it all.
...
...
...
I know! It's messed up. I still have no idea where Kit, Darrin, Christina, or Aretha came from, but at least I have some clue as to how this CRAZY dream came about. Damn! I need to stop eating chocolate and watching Netflix before I go to bed. What would have happened if I had accidentally switched on the Auschwitz documentary that I have been meaning to watch?????????? I could have seriously injured my psyche!! Without insurance right now, mental health care is somewhat of a luxury. Wow! That was a close one!
Note to self: do not have Netflix on before bedtime. Just. Say. No.
Happy Friday!
I look to my left and see Kit (played by Emma Roberts) standing at attention with one arm in the air pointing to nothing shouting, "Let's Go! We Have To Save The Day! Come On Gang! Daylight's A Wastin'! Offfff Weeeee Gooooooooo!" I have no idea if this was in the trailer of the movie or makes any sense with who the character is, but that's my brain... Now I feel like I have to Netflix the movie just so I can see if it is better or worse than my imagination.
And what about Clay Aiken, you ask?? Well let me tell you!
Clay Aiken. The second place American Idol Contestant (Aw... whatever happened to Reuben????), accomplished (haha) Broadway Performer, and media looney toon is twirling. That's right, lovelies. I said TWIRLING. Doing graceful ballet moves around the circle while wearing those ballet tights (complete with ball thing to make his junk more pronounced... Yes. I looked. So sue me.Actually. Don't sue me. I'm unemployed. I'm on a fixed income. Suing me would not be very nice. But yes. I did look at a Clay Aiken's ballet tighted junk.) He's prancing and leaping and is SHIRTLESS! Oh. My. God.
It's at this point that I wake up. It's at this point that I say out loud, What. The. Fuck. Was. That. !?!?! It's at this point that I notice that my tv is on with the Netflix screen up. As I look at the screen, I realize that 30 Rock episode 22 of season 3 just played. Not familiar with that episode? Well let me enlighten you. Jack (Alec Baldwin!!!!), begins to bond with Milton, his dad. Milton needs a kidney. Jack doesn't want to give it to him (and finds out that he is not a match), so he calls every favor he has in to arrange a "We Are the World"esque benefit concert... So all of these celebrities are there and sing a hilarious song about donating a kidney. Guess who's in the group?!?! None other than Clay Aiken........ I'll give you moment to digest it all.
...
...
...
I know! It's messed up. I still have no idea where Kit, Darrin, Christina, or Aretha came from, but at least I have some clue as to how this CRAZY dream came about. Damn! I need to stop eating chocolate and watching Netflix before I go to bed. What would have happened if I had accidentally switched on the Auschwitz documentary that I have been meaning to watch?????????? I could have seriously injured my psyche!! Without insurance right now, mental health care is somewhat of a luxury. Wow! That was a close one!
Note to self: do not have Netflix on before bedtime. Just. Say. No.
Happy Friday!
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