I was perusing AllRecipes.com and found what claimed to be 'the perfect turkey' recipe and thousands of people agreed. Hardcore. Like 5 stars. There were a lot of exclamation points used in the comments section. People were psyched. To whomever came up with this recipe -apparently you kick ass and I hope you are sitting back in your domestic domain just chilling like a villain because you are a BAWSE.
One thing that I was not prepared for was the fact that when I took this young, fresh, organic, super awesome turkey out of the packaging - it looked like a naked, plucked turkey. That was dead. And cold. And maybe it's because I've been watching a lot of Bones, NCIS, Criminal Minds, Law and Order, etc - I instantly felt bad for the little guy/gal (I'm sure there's a way to tell boy or girl - please don't tell me. I don't want to know. If I have to start thinking about baby turkeys I will die.).
First order of business - take out the insides. May I just ask - what the eff am I going to do with a turkey neck and/or innards????
Seriously. If you are at all squeamish, don't do it. Have someone you love do it. Have the next door neighbor do it. The creepy guy down the street who always seems to be walking by when you are outside. Call the police to come over to give you assistance (ok don't do that. Bad idea. They will arrest you.). Let's just have a sharing moment here, when I stuck my hand to pull out the neck, I got it about 2 inches worth of out, realized what it was, screamed, and ran out of the room. Holy Shit balls. HOLY. SHIT. BALLS.The other innards weren't so bad to deal with because they came in a little death pouch that was sealed up for my protection. Thank you turkey gods.
This recipe calls for you to brine the turkey for at least 12 hours, so the next step is to create a 'brine solution' and dunk that turkey. Turns out - 'brine solution' just means some kosher salt and water. Ta da! That's not hard. I will tell you though, that I had absolutely zero faith in the brining process. Thought everything was going to come out a huge salty mess and that I was really creating turkey jerky and not a roasted turkey. Trust in thy recipe oh doubtful one! TRUST!!!
Once the turkey is sufficiently brined, rinse it off, place it breast down in your roasting pan, and rub or brush it down with melted butter. Easy enough. Chop up some carrots, celery, and onions in non edible size chunks. These are just for flavoring so you don't have to get all Emeril or Bobby Flay. Shove half of the veggies inside the turkey. Put the other half around the turkey in the roasting pan. Throw a bay leaf and a sprig of thyme inside the turkey, and crumble and sprinkle another sprig of thyme on the outside vegetables. Drizzle a little dry white wine on the outside veggies and BAM! You can go relax.
Throw that turkey in the oven at 325 (I know the recipe says 350, but slow and steady wins the race apparently) uncovered and set the timer. NOW THIS IS WHERE YOU HAVE TO PAY ATTENTION - depending on how large your turkey is, figure out how long in total it is going to take to cook. For my 14 lb turkey, it took about 4 hours - now 2/3rds of the way through you are going to take the turkey out and flip it so the breast side is now up. How do you do that with a giant, scalding hot roasting bird?? Put pot holders on your hands and cover them with freezer ziploc bags. Much easier than trying to fork it or twirl it or jedi mind trick that giant bastard to flip over. Once it's flipped rub that side down with butter. When you put the turkey back in, turn up the temperature in the oven to 350. You still do not have to cover or baste this bird. TRUST ME.
Now go back to watching The Real Housewives or Bones or some sporting event.
Take the bird out when the internal temp gets to 170, tent it with foil and let the most beautiful roasted turkey rest for 30 minutes. Make sure that the internal temp gets to 180 as it is resting so you don't give your people food poisoning. After all, it's all fun and games until someone you love is having massive diarrhea and vomiting. Exactly. Disgusting. Check the temperature!!
Also, it is pretty well thought of these days that because the turkey cavity in big birds doesn't cook at the same temperature as the breast and leg meat, that stuffing a bird with stuffing is kinda frowned upon since it doesn't get to 180 degrees without overcooking and drying out the meat. I mean do what you do, but just saying - if I have to pick between an unstuffed bird with perfectly cooked meat or a stuffed bird with dried out meat - I'm going unstuffed all of the way.
This recipe does not lie. It really is the most perfect turkey recipe in the world. I hate to say it, but my mom, dad, and other family members who have been hosting Thanksgiving for YEARS have nothing on this turkey. No need to juice it up with gravy. No need to baste every so often or deal with covering or uncovering the turkey during the cooking process. It is incredible. It is flavorful. It is beautiful. It is perfect.
Now if you're a person who needs exact measurements of all ingredients, here is the link to the original recipe. The Perfect Turkey!!!! and Enjoy!
Happy Monday!
Forever Yours,
The Unemployed Diva
No comments:
Post a Comment